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Friday, 29 August 2014

What helps me with my depression

Hi everyone, 

As you know I'm doing health and fitness on my blog at the moment. 

As promised I will explain what helps me get through my depression anxiety and panic attacks. 

Meet Millie 

So when my depression and panic attack reach a head I could not leave my house not even to collect the mail from the letter box outside our building. 

It had been at least 2 month since I had left my house. When my fiancé at the time said the magic words I had so longed to hear for years "I think it's time we got a dog". So we looked far and wide and found Millie she was 1 and a half when we got her.  She gave me a reason to leave the house, she need to be walked and she needed to go to the toilet. This gave me a reason to leave the house. I had to look after Millie. From day one Millie bonded with me and she seems to understand my pain, when I spent hours crying she cuddled me even licked my tears a few times. She new she was here to look after me and to this day she still helps me in ways she and I will never understand. We would go out for walks and she wouldn't go to far as she seemed to know I was on edge. 

Therapy 

My job at the time caused my depression I was bullied for having dyslexia. I was referred to occupational health and to a wonderful man called Adrian who gave me help in many ways including
cognitive behavioral therapy. Now before I had any help I was a complete sceptic. I was brought up to not show my feelings and as you know my family have disowned me for having depression as I should snap out of it! "It's not a real thing" etc. but I had weeks of therapy and I could finally go out the house further and further and more importantly I could understand I can not control other people and I can only control me and what I think. Although some times I let my thought run at a thousand miles a hour. 

Adrian also taught me ways to control my panic attacks and how to stop them coming to a head. He gave me classes on my mind and what was happening when I would get in to a cycle of over thinking and negative thoughts. 

Medication

I was put on what the Americas call Prozac. I was again not sure what to think about being put on "happy pills". But these have helped me they seem to clear my mind and just upping my mood. 
I am still on these tablets and I hope to come off them soon. If you are hesitating about the medication I don't think I could have gotten through my depression with out them in my life. Feel free to email me missljbeauty@googlemail.com 

My now hubby 

My gorgeous man, he has helped me in so many ways he has held me whilst I cried, whilst I told him I didn't want to live any more. He has listen to my same stories over and over and over my worries and nightmares. He has had sleepless night with me crying endlessly. I honestly don't think anyone else would have been there for me like he was. 

My friends gem and Michelle.

This is a strange statement but I was very lucky that my friend Mic was going through the same thing as me and I had her to talk to spending endless hours on the phone to each other explaining what was going on in our minds. Her worries were my worries and this made me feel like I'm not alone. 

Gem was always a phone call away even with her pregnant or with a little baby to just listen to me and make me feel normal again by just talking to me. 

Both these girls are another reason I am here today writing this. 

Bloggers

Yes this one will seem strange to but in my darkest time I started missljbeauty and meet some wonderful people. I have to mention some very special girls @aaamylouxo @gemzbyemz @glitterbugsbqt @shellywelly28 @kiniapinky there are so many more who have helped me but I'd be here all day writing them in here. I never felt along as I had my twitter girls to talk to and it was lovely to have them to chat to. These girls are so lovely. 

My blog gave me a purpose to focus on something that I loved and to my surprise people wanted to hear what I had to say. So maybe I am worth something. 

Fitness

I have always liked to work out and getting back in to fitness without pressure was a great way to pass my long days stuck in my mind. This gave me a escape for a hour a day. Space to think about nothing but the job in hand. 

Meditation  

I used to be a actress in another life or so it feels. I would YouTube a guided mediation when I started to feel a panic coming in and lie on my living room floor and let this wash over me and try to unravels my complicated thoughts. I really recommend this I think mindfulness is a great ap. 

Loving my job & Moving house

I left my "dream job" this was the best thing for me. Not because I hated the job but I had to get out of my situation I can not work for a organisation who do not understand my dyslexia and have no willing to help me only make matters worse. My hubby was disgusted with my treatment so applied for another post a hours drive away from where we worked which also gave us a free house so less pressure on me to have to find a job.  
I know this is not easy for everyone and this is just what helped me. Life is to short why stay somewhere that is making you misrable. My family have never understood why I would leave such a good job but for me this was the best thing to do. 

As I write this I hope this helps at least one of you. I will do another post in this as this one is getting long 

Feel free to email me if you are having issues and want to talk to someone. 

Missljbeauty xoxox 

5 comments:

  1. I am so proud of you for writing this, I can't believe your family disowned you? Mine are exactly the same they just don't believe it it's really really hurtful especially when you are on medication etc as well?!!!! I think unless you go through it no one truly understands and some vile people think its for atttention and when it goes on for years people just have no clue how torturous that is, I am glad you have your lovely doggy too btw I hope I get one soon xxxx

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  2. Aw thanks huni, I've been wanting to post this for so long but it's kinda hard and easy to talk about lol. I don't get my family I have to accept my sister and mother are not in my life anymore and my dad can't be with out them causing him issues. It's hard but true. Lol it's funny when ppl say we are attention seeking that's actually the opposite to what we want , stay strong and give me a shout on tote bad days I, here xxxx

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  3. I hate getting told depression isn't a real thing, or that you're just going through a bad time. It's so much more than that. Do you mind if I drop you an email to ask for some advice? Sophie/ www.prettyandpolished.co.uk xx

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    1. Of course huni
      Missljbeauty@googlemail.com xxxxx

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  4. I just wanted to thank you for this amazing post. I still feel that there's a lot of stigma surrounds the depression and anxiety. At the moment I feel like my dog and my councillor are the only two living souls that understand how I feel. My blog is what keeps me focused and I hope that one day I too will be brave enough to write a post on this subject. xxxxxxx
    Anna
    www.madeupaboutcurls.com

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