It's Okay to Feel Lonely: Even When Life Looks Fine From the Outside

There is something I think we don't talk about enough, and that is feeling lonely. Not necessarily being on your own all the time, but that feeling of isolation that can creep up on you even when you have people in your life who care about you. Sometimes life just feels a little harder than usual, and lately, if I'm being completely honest, I've been feeling that myself.

I wanted to write this because I know I'm probably not the only person who feels this way. We spend so much time on social media looking at everyone else's lives, seeing their days out, holidays, friendships and all the lovely things they get up to. It can make you feel as though everyone else has everything figured out, while you're sitting at home wondering why you're finding things so difficult. The truth is, you never really know what someone else is dealing with behind the scenes.

woman in a lake reflecting on feelings of loneliness despite life appearing fine .

Feeling Lonely as an Adult

I think loneliness as an adult can be quite different from what we imagine it to be. When we're younger, we tend to associate loneliness with having nobody around us, but as you get older, you realise it can be much more complicated than that. You can have people you love, a home, work to do and plenty of things that need your attention, yet still feel lonely.

Since moving house, I've found that feeling settled and finding your place in a new area isn't always as easy as you might hope. I still miss the Scottish Highlands, and sometimes I think we underestimate just how much our surroundings, familiar places and everyday routines mean to us. You can move somewhere new and know that life has to carry on, but that doesn't mean you instantly feel at home.

My husband often works away, which means there are times when I'm at home on my own for long stretches. I have my blog to work on and the dogs to look after, so I'm certainly not sitting around with nothing to do. In fact, there is usually something I should be writing, editing or trying to sort out. But being busy and feeling connected to other people are two very different things.

When You Don't Want to Bother Anyone

One of the hardest things about feeling lonely is that sometimes you don't even know what to do about it. You might want a chat, a bit of company or simply someone nearby to talk to, but you don't necessarily want to bother anyone.

I know that feeling of thinking twice before picking up the phone. You wonder whether someone is busy, whether you're interrupting their day or whether you should just leave them to it. You don't want people to think you're constantly moaning or asking for attention. So sometimes you say nothing, even when what you really need is a little conversation.

FaceTiming helps me feel closer to people when they're not nearby, and I'm grateful that we have ways of keeping in touch so easily. But a video call isn't quite the same as having someone sitting beside you, popping round for a cuppa or being able to say, "Fancy going for a walk?" without having to plan everything in advance.

I think we sometimes forget how much those ordinary, everyday interactions matter. It's not always about needing a big night out or making exciting plans. Sometimes you just want a bit of company, a chat about absolutely nothing important and the feeling that you're part of something.

Keeping Busy Doesn't Always Make Loneliness Disappear

I have my blog, and after more than 15 years of blogging, you would think I'd have plenty to keep me occupied. There is always something to do, whether that's writing a post, working on my websites or trying to keep up with everything that comes with being a blogger. From the outside, it probably looks as though I'm always busy.

But working from home can be isolating, especially when so much of your day involves sitting at a computer. Blogging is something I love, but it can also mean spending a lot of time by yourself. There isn't always someone to have a quick chat with over a coffee or someone to share the little frustrations of the day with.

I've tried to find ways to get out more, including walking dogs for a local charity. Getting outside with a dog gives you a reason to leave the house, and having that little bit of routine can be helpful. I love my dogs, and walking with them gives me time away from my computer and a chance to clear my head.

But I also think it's important to be honest about something. You can do things that are good for you and still have difficult days. You can go for a walk, watch a film, get on with your work and do all the things you're supposed to do, yet still feel lonely when the evening comes around.

That doesn't mean you've failed at looking after yourself. It just means that sometimes loneliness is more complicated than finding something to fill your time.

It's Okay Not to Be Okay All the Time

I think there is so much pressure to be positive these days. We're encouraged to make the most of every day, practise gratitude, get outside, keep busy and find the good in everything. Of course, those things can help, and I'm not suggesting we should spend every day focusing on the negatives.

But what about the days when you're tired, worried or simply feeling a bit lost? What about when you don't feel like being positive, and you just want to admit that things are difficult?

I don't think we should have to dress up every feeling in a positive message. Sometimes life is hard, and acknowledging that doesn't make you ungrateful for the good things you have.

I've had days lately when I've felt overwhelmed, and I think it's important to be honest about that rather than pretending everything is wonderful all the time. Life doesn't stop presenting you with challenges just because you have a blog to write, work to do or responsibilities to get on with.

If you're feeling lonely at the moment, please don't feel that you have to hide it because everyone else seems to be getting on with life. You aren't the only person who feels this way, even if it sometimes seems as though you are.

Small Things That Can Help When You're Feeling Isolated

I'm not going to pretend I have some magical solution to loneliness because I don't think there is one that works for everyone. What helps one person might not help another, and what feels manageable one day can feel like too much the next.

For me, walking the dogs gives me a reason to get outside, and sometimes a FaceTime call makes the distance between me and the people I care about feel a little smaller. Watching a film can be a welcome distraction, too. Other days, I just need to acknowledge that I'm having a difficult time rather than trying to fix every feeling immediately.

If you're struggling with loneliness, perhaps start with something small that feels possible for you. That might be sending a message to someone you trust, arranging a phone call or getting outside for a little while. If the loneliness is persistent or starting to affect your wellbeing, talking to someone you trust or seeking support can also make a difference.

And if you don't manage any of those things today, please don't give yourself a hard time. You don't have to turn every difficult day into a personal improvement project.

A Little Reminder If You're Feeling Lonely Today

I wanted to write this post because I suspect there are many people quietly feeling the same way. People who look as though they are managing perfectly well, who go to work, look after their families, walk their dogs and keep up with their responsibilities, but who sometimes feel lonely when nobody is looking.

We don't always talk about loneliness because it can feel embarrassing to admit that we're struggling with something as ordinary and human as wanting company. We might worry that people won't understand, or that we should be able to cope better.

But loneliness isn't a personal failing. It doesn't mean you're ungrateful, that you haven't tried hard enough or that there is something wrong with you. Sometimes circumstances change, friendships become harder to maintain, familiar places are no longer close by, or life simply doesn't look the way you expected it to.

So, if you've been feeling lonely lately, I hope you'll be a little kinder to yourself. You don't have to pretend you're fine every single day, and you don't have to compare your life with the carefully chosen moments you see online. I'm reminding myself of that, too.

It's okay to have difficult days. It's okay to miss people and places. It's okay to want a little more company in your life. And it's okay to say that you're lonely.

Sometimes, being honest about how we feel is a small step towards feeling a little less alone.

MissLJBeauty