MissLJBeauty

Let’s just say it. End of life is hard. Awkward. Emotional. And nobody likes thinking about it. At least, not until they absolutely have to. 

But what if you could (brace yourself) start planning now? Early. Before anyone’s had to say the final goodbye. 

The secret? Planning ahead will benefit not only your elderly loved one, but you, and everyone around them too. 

Of course, like anything in life, it’s easier said than done. But once you get the hang of it, before you know it, you’ll have put the pieces of the puzzle in place. That’s the end goal. Nothing more, and nothing less. 

The obvious place to start when it comes to senior end of life planning is a simple Google search. The internet is rife with lists. Bookmarked. Highlighted. Printed out and crumpled in the bottom of handbags. But I’m not here to recant that script, and besides, you’ve already found us, haven’t you?

End-of-life care for the elderly isn’t a job, or a chore, or something you cross off a to-do list. It’s a journey. And as with any journey, the first step is always the hardest. That’s where we come in. 

Grab a drink. Put your feet up. Sit down and relax. We’ve broken it down into bite-sized pieces. You don’t have to do it all in one sitting. This is one journey that you can take at your own pace, and in your own time. Ready to take the first step? 

Step One: Start the Conversation

As we said, this is the hardest part. Even thinking about it might have you squirming in your seat, wringing your hands and coming up with reasons why now just isn’t the right time.

“I don’t want to upset Mum.” 

“I need to think about it first.” 

“But Dad will get cross and it will just ruin our weekend!”

Fair enough. So keep it light and save the “big chat” for later, we say. No. You need to break the ice, pop the question. You know it, and we know it. And the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

So what to do? Well. Honesty is always the best policy, but tact and timing are also key. Aim for a gentle but direct approach, open and honest with an open mind. If it’s Mum you’re worried about, take her out for a stroll or a meal. Quiet time with no distractions. Or if Dad is the case, just ask. Ask what he’s thinking about. His future. What he wants. How he feels. 

Don’t plan an afternoon of small talk just for this—jump right in. It will probably feel awkward at first, but it will get easier. I promise. 

Step Two: Put the Paperwork in Place

This one is self-explanatory. No one likes paperwork. But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done.

Power of attorney, wills, directives, insurance policies. Cover all your bases and get it done. It’s a slog, but a simple Google search will take you there. If not, don’t panic, we’re about to get you some help.

And if you’re in the “where do I even start? !” camp (a first-time placard in the journey of end-of-life planning), then consider yourself lucky. The beauty is, you’re not alone. There are individuals who make probate services more accessible for everyone. In fact, there are quite a few of them.

One quick phone call now will save you weeks of stress later. So don’t put it off. Get it sorted now. Easy peasy. 

Step Three: Think About the Setting—Home, Hospice, or Hospital?

Some people would rather be at home, in their own beds with their own belongings and familiar surroundings. For others, it might be a hospice. Experts in healthcare can provide comfortable end of life care at home. Still for others, there’s nothing like the care of a dedicated medical team in a hospital.

None of these options are mutually exclusive, and this is not a finite decision.

Ask your GP, local hospice, or care coordinator about your options. There are support networks in place, and you don’t have to figure it out all on your own.

Step Four: Tidy Up Loose Ends (The Unspoken Stuff)

At the risk of sounding like a self-help book: everyone’s life is messy in some way. There are stories, grudges, emotions, and unfinished business. You know the kind of things I mean. Or maybe you don’t. That’s OK. 

Ask them. Listen. Write it down, if they’re up for it.

Step Five: Don’t Forget the Details That Matter

So, if you had a memorial, what music would play in the background?

What flowers would be on the table? 

Who should you invite? 

The right to a traditional funeral or cremation.

A photo slideshow of all your favourite memories. A poem read by a grandchild. A memorial at their favourite park. Whatever you want. 

Step Six: Make Room for Grief—Before and After

Don’t wait until it’s too late. Anticipatory grief is normal and expected. 

Expect to grieve before and after. Tears now will not stop you from feeling sad, but they might help the weight of that sadness feel a little more manageable.

Don’t feel guilty. Allow yourself to feel and heal. 

Step Seven: Accept Help (Seriously—Take the Lasagna)

Seriously. Take the darn lasagna. For all the mums out there who want to help, there are loads of mums who also want to help you.

Say yes to people who offer. Coffee and loo breaks. Manicures and messages. Book clubs and baking. Tea and sympathy. They will all come. And all will be worth it. If you’re on the giving side of the help exchange, the same applies. Show up. Talk. Listen. Just be there. 

Step Eight: Keep Living in the Meantime

Lighten up. Be happy. Laugh. Play games. Watch bad movies. 

The end of life can bring you closer. It is a journey for all who take part, in all the roles they play.

Take one day at a time. Be open, honest, and fair. Celebrate the small things and take note of the big ones.

Laugh. Live. Love.